Who Are YOU Living For?

Life is a series of choices that determine who you are. You decide depending on your views on society. Who would benefit from your choices? When given a choice, who do you think would be affected first?

I've somehow realized that all through my life, my mindset has always been to make the people I love happy. I conform to whatever they want me to be because I want them to accept and and love me the way I love them. Then, after a while, I also realized that that's actually sad-- living to satisfy other people around you.

I know that the purpose of life differs for everyone but it's obvious that almost everyone lives in such a way that they do things to help other people, especially their family... but isn't your life your own? Isn't it supposed to be controlled by you, and you alone? Aren't the people around you just there to help and guide you? So why are we putting so much pressure unto ourselves to reach their expectations? Why are we trying so hard to be what we aren't just to be accepted in a society where people believe no one is perfect but still, everyone tries to be?

Is free will only just a facade?

I've been beating and beating myself up because I'm always disappointed with myself. I'm always disappointed because the things I do don't actually make me praiseworthy. I'm always disappointed because I feel as though the people who are supposed to make me feel worth it even if I'm batshit only make me feel so if I've done something great and beneficial.

We shouldn't be living like this. I shouldn't be living like this.

I should wake up and be strong, for myself and not for others. Myself is my only solitude. Inside me is my only sanctuary. I should stop conforming to whatever other people think is best for me and do things the way I want them to be. I should do what makes me happy. I should read whatever interests me. I should watch whatever intrigues me. I should study whatever I want to learn about.

I won't let anyone tell me what to do with my life. I won't let anyone tell me how to live.

I should and I will start living for myself.

Because in the end, after all the shit I've gone through and will be facing, I'm the only one I have.