Someone I Used To Know

I used to know someone I loved. That someone was me.

Me, being so great at procrastination, started stalking through my old FB posts. It's a rollercoaster full of emotions, seeing how I think now and how I used to think back then.

I noticed that my posts nowadays are self-conscious and aware, mostly thought of for a whole lot of time before deciding to actually post it whereas when you go further into the posts, it becomes carefree and waaaaay positive.

It made me think of how I've become so negative with everything around me. When did I actually start self-pitying and detaching myself? The word I actually used first was "deteriorating" because at this rate I'm going, I don't really like the near future I see. I've become so much more skeptical and I'm not so sure if that's even a good thing anymore.

I kind of envy the old me. I feel like I was such a happy-go-luck and carefree person back then. I could usually talk to just anyone without being conscious of how I look and how they perceive me. Now, it just kind of gives me the chills whenever I have to talk to someone I rarely know and hide away in my own little shell where I can enjoy my awesomeness alone. I know it's a hurdle I have to get over soon.

It's funny how I should actually be more of my old self right now to face the future and not be so afraid of everything. But isn't it normal to grow more afraid through time? The more you understand, the more frightening it gets.

I'm even scared of admitting I'm scared. God, that endless painful struggle of life.

I miss being a kid. I miss being ignorant. I miss not having to think about what everybody else thinks and just mind my own thoughts.

Sigh.

I know who I am and I know who I was.

And I just want to be who I used to be. Even just a little shadow, a small portion would be enough.