Changeling

Today, after class, I went to the mall and went inside a bookstore, trying to find a good read.

I went to my favorite section of the bookstore, the teen fiction books, and went over the books once, twice, thrice. I found myself bookless and disinterested with the genre. I found myself not even remotely interested in any of the books, from romance to my all time favorite sci-fi. I used to love looking over these books and trying to think of waaaays to get them. What changed?

Then I found myself going to literary winners and classics and general fiction and I realized how much have changed with the way I think. I cringe at the touch of romance books and teen fiction books. I find myself wanting to read more of the heavy stuff and more in tune with reality.

I have probably let go of the little fantasies in my head about love and life (though, not all).

Not so long ago, I considered myself alike with most of the girls, wishing to find some guy to fill my fantasies but now, I only wish to have a companion whom I can talk to about random things (even the geeky ones) but most importantly, the wild and outrageous conspiracies or theories that has been and I think will keep on bothering me. Just someone to have coffee or tea with in the afternoon and not have awkward silence with.

But I'm not in a hurry. I've been enjoying time with myself.

I feel like I'm slowly starting to grasp who I am again. At least now, I can have a short concrete lists of things I'm sure I like.

I'm happy to be able to find time to love myself.