I'm Ready

I want to actually feel something.

Everything seems so detached-- like nothing's actually real.

It's like you're walking but you have no destination. Like you're reaching out, trying to grab onto something-- anything. I don't think right now is real. I'm confused. I'm thinking, I'm breathing, I feel the air against my skin...

...but I just don't feel it feel it. 

Oh gosh, I sound so delusional, crazy. But I just want to feel something, an emotion, maybe, that's so strong it would fill up my whole being for a moment. It becomes my reality even for just a second. Just enough for me to remember that moment when I'm drunk and high of emotions that every part, cell, and atom in me feels it.

And I'm ready. I'm ready to open up to the world and accept all the possibilities.

I'm ready.

Random Thought 101

We're all angry at hypocrites but I think everyone's been a hypocrite (at some point in their life).

Changeling

Today, after class, I went to the mall and went inside a bookstore, trying to find a good read.

I went to my favorite section of the bookstore, the teen fiction books, and went over the books once, twice, thrice. I found myself bookless and disinterested with the genre. I found myself not even remotely interested in any of the books, from romance to my all time favorite sci-fi. I used to love looking over these books and trying to think of waaaays to get them. What changed?

Then I found myself going to literary winners and classics and general fiction and I realized how much have changed with the way I think. I cringe at the touch of romance books and teen fiction books. I find myself wanting to read more of the heavy stuff and more in tune with reality.

I have probably let go of the little fantasies in my head about love and life (though, not all).

Not so long ago, I considered myself alike with most of the girls, wishing to find some guy to fill my fantasies but now, I only wish to have a companion whom I can talk to about random things (even the geeky ones) but most importantly, the wild and outrageous conspiracies or theories that has been and I think will keep on bothering me. Just someone to have coffee or tea with in the afternoon and not have awkward silence with.

But I'm not in a hurry. I've been enjoying time with myself.

I feel like I'm slowly starting to grasp who I am again. At least now, I can have a short concrete lists of things I'm sure I like.

I'm happy to be able to find time to love myself.